SOCIAL

  the way i see it

Playing the Name Game

I’m sorry, how do you pronounce that?

MARC R. BLOOMENSTEIN, O.D., F.A.A.O.

I was about to enter an exam room when I noticed the name of my patient: Hugibaer. My mind started wandering. Am I about to see the fictional pimp from “Starsky and Hutch.” Or, am I pronouncing it wrong? (I hope it is the former.)

What’s in a name?

Not that this is relevant to anything remotely eye related, but this patient got me thinking about the names we are given at birth. There are the classic names that have been passed down from generation to generation and, thus, only need a number afterward to differentiate, such as George Foreman VI. I’m not sure if this lack of creativity is a positive or a negative, much like wearing a uniform to school. (“Plaid looks good on everyone.” Does it?)

How about the unfortunate ones who are named after the place mom and dad did the deed? We have all had patients who are named after cities (e.g., Cheyenne, Brooklyn and Augusta, to name a few). Why not?

And then there are folks named Beemer, Supra, Toshiba and Audi. Notice that none are named Mini or Pinto.

Targets of ridicule

I applaud the names that are truly unique and demonstrate a sense of “I don’t care if my child will be teased or grow to hate me for giving him or her this burden to carry.”

Today’s celebrities are some of the worst offenders, with names such as Pilot Inspektor, Zuma Nesta and Apple. Even Matthew McConaughey is the proud uncle to Margarita Olympia and Miller Lyte, his brother Rooster’s kids. (Couldn’t he have chosen a better beer to name his kid after, such as Pacifica or Fat Tire?)

If they think their kids are immune to ridicule, au contraire. “Will Princess Tiaamii please report to the principle’s office? You left your lunch at home.”

Does the name make the man (or woman)?

Unique names make me wonder whether kids adapt to the their name and, thus, embody the perceived image.

For example, if you name your child Zeus or Apollo, is he destined to look like a gym rat? Does someone who has a biblical name, such as Abraham or Moses, feel the need to be more virtuous? It may just be me, but I look for that staff or the flock of minions following.

Name associations

I suppose you could be of the ilk who feel that a name is only a name, and I’m sure that’s the case for many people.

Yet, you cannot deny that when you hear someone’s name, or see it on a patient chart, you don’t automatically create a visage of this person. Veronica? Archie’s gang. Elvis? Fat ’70s version, thank you very much. Donna? Disco crazy fro. You get the picture.

Of course, there are names that just symbolize the essence of the McRib: “Sorry for being awesome.” Like Marc, for example. OM

DR. BLOOMENSTEIN CURRENTLY PRACTICES AT SCHWARTZ LASER EYE CENTER IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ. HE IS A FOUNDING MEMBER OF THE OPTOMETRIC COUNCIL ON REFRACTIVE TECHNOLOGY. E-MAIL HIM AT MBLOOMESTEIN@GMAIL.COM.