SOCIAL

  the way i see it

I Resolve to Not Resolve

New year, new attitude

MARC R. BLOOMENSTEIN, O.D, F.A.A.O.

Is it me or does anyone else think it is amazing that we are now halfway through the second decade of the second millennium? When you walked into your office, did you feel a change, an enlightened a sense of rejuvenation for this upcoming year?

Sadly, I did not. My attitude was listless, tired and run down — all before my first patient. Honestly, I felt more ornery and ill tempered, less tolerant and down right surly. “Hi, I am Dr. Bloomenstein. How am I? You really want to know?!”

Bad beginnings

The beginning of the year created feelings of whiskey tango foxtrot (WTF). Why are people so annoying? Perhaps, it was because my office mate decided that he was going to perseverate this snorting and yawning sound every 45 seconds. Aside from the nausea-producing effect of hearing this melodic mucous retrieval, I was also feeling my heart rate increase, my head pounding and a tingling in my eardrum; I thought he was giving me a brain tumor.

Honestly, at this stage of life, is snorting and sniffling appropriate in the office? Get a Kleenex — or better yet, just stay home. Yes, I am traumatized! I may have some sort of PTSD (post traumatic sniffle disorder).

Pesky resolutions

When the new year rolls around, we feel pressured to craft a list of resolutions designed to draw out character flaws in our lives and in ourselves and induce a deeper cavern of hollowness when, once again, we are incapable of achieving said goals. “I will not let a grown man who snorts like a teething 18-month-old child make me want to stick a pencil in my ear to drown out the disgusting sound.” How did I do?

I had a patient yesterday tell me that her pharmacist thought that I should have written a prescription for a generic medication. I responded, “That’s nice.” But, oh no, the pharmacist was not done. The pill jockey also told my patient that I could have prescribed a different medication all together and saved the patient some money. “Oh, really? Well, if the pharmacist were smarter, he would have realized that I was using this medication off label, and there is no substitute. Moreover, if he would have become a doctor, he would be writing the prescription instead of filling mine.” Good day, madame.

New attitude

My peeps, I am still cranky, and the theme song for my return to the office should be “Natalie’s Rap” from The Lonely Island: “Don’t test when I’m crazy on that airplane glue, put my foot down your throat …” However, it is a new year, and I suppose I should have a new attitude.

We, as O.D.s, should look at ourselves and, as my boys Oingo Boingo used to, ask, “Who do you want to be today?” We are doctors, not pharmacists and, thus, we should medically manage more. If I did have a New Year’s resolution, it would be to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony and for O.D.s to write more prescriptions, regardless of the insurance or any of those excuses we give. OM

DR. BLOOMENSTEIN CURRENTLY PRACTICES AT SCHWARTZ LASER EYE CENTER IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ. HE IS A FOUNDING MEMBER OF THE OPTOMETRIC COUNCIL ON REFRACTIVE TECHNOLOGY. E-MAIL HIM AT MBLOOMENSTEIN@GMAIL.COM, OR SEND COMMENTS TO OPTOMETRICMANAGEMENT@GMAIL.COM.