SOCIAL

  THE WAY I SEE IT

BREAKUPS AND MAKEUPS

MY LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH HEALTHCARE

HEALTHCARE AND I have a volatile relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love healthcare; but sometimes, I just want to break things off.

Case in point: Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel the drag of the office? Everything seems to go wrong and, most importantly, you are inundated with callbacks from insurance carriers. Well, I had one recently.

That day, I spent the majority of my time on the phone, listening to a flutist play a musical rendition of Christopher Cross, all the while realizing that the reimbursement from my last exam was just enough to cover the cost of a happy meal for my staff to share. I thought to myself, “Where are the facial tissues? I feel a hard cry coming on!” And to top it off, I overheard a patient at the front desk complaining — in an outside voice — that he thought his co-pay was the loose change at the bottom his man bag.

AH, THE 70S

The incident left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Or rather, a ringing in my ears, much like that song about Pińa Coladas.

In fact, I started to think about healthcare as that “old lady” in that inane song . . .

I was tired of my healthcare, we’d been together too long.

So that night while healthcare lay there sleepin’, I read the iPad in bed

And in the hashtag-infused Twitter rant, there was this Tweet that I read:

“If you like Piña Coladas, getting caught in the rain

If you’re not into paperwork, if you have half a brain

If you like making a decent return on your hard work, in the dunes or on the cape

I’m the love that you’ve looked for, Tweet to me and escape” . . .

BACK TO REALITY

The thought of “stepping out” on healthcare was appealing. I imagined myself sitting there at a familiar Starbucks with my venti soy cappuccino, extra wet, staring into the eyes of the healthcare that I have grown to resent, hate and, frankly, wished would die, only to realize that we were, in fact, soul mates.

I was reminded of all the good times we’ve had, like when reimbursements were high and I received my payment within six weeks. Or the times when optometrists were completely shut out of plans or when “she” just ignored my existence.

As we casually reminisced, it became painstaking clear that we were meant to be together. Not like Stan and Eminem, more like peanut butter and jelly.

The thought that both of us were looking for something different, easier, sexier, better, and, yet, in the end, realizing our situation is our reality. We are meant to be together, like a punishment, for better or for worse, and we will survive this rough patch.

TOGETHER AGAIN

Healthcare and I are going to make it, oh yeah. It will not always be the best — we will fight and probably even stop talking for a short while — but in the end, we will be okay. That is unless I find another Tweet on the iPad asking about fruity beverages and raindrops. Then, who knows? OM

MARC BLOOMENSTEIN O.D., M.B.A. Currently practices at Schwartz Laser Eye Center in Scottsdale, Ariz. He is a founding member of the Optometric Council on Refractive Technology. Email him at mbloomenstein@gmail.com, or visit tinyurl.com/OMcomment to comment on this article,