SOCIAL

  THE WAY I SEE IT

SCHOOL IS BACK IN SESSION

IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

HERE IN Arizona the school-aged kids are starting their yearly migration toward the educational institutions that will surely induce a cerebral overload. At least, that is what should be happening, in theory. However, we all remember that school is mainly one big social event; a pool of hormones percolating like a Mr. Coffee machine, with a little bit of studying mixed in. When the school bell rings, the real-time Snapchat is officially in session.

A RETURN TO CHAOS

For the rest of the world, that bell should signal a return to calm and peace. But, oh, it does not! For those of us who have kids, we know that the whining quotient is raised to DEFCON 4: “Why do I have to go to school?” “I hate reading; why do we need to read?” “Really, how is knowing trigonometry going to help me in the future?”

Not to mention the daily commute. Now that school is in session, streets are congested with more traffic, and driving catastrophes become more commonplace, as everyone tries to make it on time. (Yet, it’s the kids who are dragging their feet and slow to move who create the lateness!)

And to think, we’re paying for this madness! When did school become so expensive? Why do we pay taxes if all of us are buying supplies for the classroom and paying a fee for field trips and the PTA? And don’t get me started on back-to-school clothes shopping! The J.C. Penney ad in which the kids frolic in awesome skinny jeans and Suzanne Somers hairdos, quickly replaces “I want” with “I need.”

KIDS’ EXAMS

What does this mean for the office? It means more kids coming for their comprehensive exams. (Notice my use of “comprehensive.” I don’t like the term “routine” — nothing we do is routine!) Which is great . . . for most of us.

Don’t get me wrong; I like kids. I just don’t like examining them. It is bad enough when we have to practically waterboard our adult patients into providing cohesive responses to our questions. The young adult or toddler is even less motivated to participate. This exam — yes, exam — is an extension of the aforementioned school process. They do not want to be sitting in my chair and, thus, I don’t want to be sitting across from them. I am an optometric kid exam hater. There, I said it. Examining kids, for me, is a bitter horse pill to swallow, and I would rather leave it to my peeps who enjoy the challenge (the exam, not the swallowing of horse pills).

HALL PASS

The diversity of our profession provides me the liberty to be more specialized. So, when school starts and all the kids are getting their vision exam on, I can rest easy knowing my fellow O.D.s are enjoying a fuller schedule (including many new patients), a boost in optical sales and the knowledge that they are building lifelong relationships with their young patients. As for me, I get to focus my attention on my LASIK patients, who, by the way, can be just as whiny and uncooperative as adolescent patients. So, it’s a win-win for all of us! OM

MARC BLOOMENSTEIN O.D., M.B.A., currently practices at Schwartz Laser Eye Center in Scottsdale, Ariz. He is a founding member of the Optometric Council on Refractive Technology. Email him at mbloomenstein@gmail.com, or visit tinyurl.com/OMcomment to comment on this article.