SOCIAL

  THE WAY I SEE IT

GENUINELY ANSWER QUERY

THE RHETORICAL “HOW ARE YOU?” DOESN’T HAVE TO BE

MARC BLOOMENSTEIN, O.D., F.A.A.O.

I STRIVE to have a positive affect on my patients’ vision and their days. I spice up my refraction with interesting options. I make fun of patients’ last names; I comment on clothing choices they made while either asleep or without corrective lenses. I really try. Yet, do I?

THAT PATIENT

Many years have passed since I questioned how much I really care about my patients. One patient, in particular, got me thinking. I walked into the exam lane to my septuagenarian patient, who was in for a decrease in her vision. I began with my normal salutation: “Hi, I am Dr. Bloomenstein. How are you today?” and then BAM! Out of nowhere Mrs. I-am-Middle-America-and-Apple-Pie says, “Does it really matter how I am? I am here for an exam. As long as you do a good job I couldn’t care less how you are!” Wow!

THE TAKEAWAY

I stood there for about three seconds and realized — she is right. My whole outlook on the world changed. Honestly (and I will know if you are lying), how many times do you say, “How are you?” in a day? Yet we don’t expect any responses except “Fine,” “Great,” “Good,” “Gucci” or “Not bad.” But, what happens when the response is negative? Now what? Do we ask, “Why?” Is this going to have any impact on the exam? What if the answer is really sad or gross? Then our five minutes of patient time has turned into a 45-minute therapy session. To that I say, “No thank you.”

Ever since this encounter I am obsessed with the unfeeling, uncaring automatic “How are you?” I start judging people who say it. You go to a restaurant and your server asks, “How is everyone doing?” Now, should we all answer as a mob or do they want to know individually? “Dad’s dandruff is really grossing me out, Jill, your heel is still hurting, right? Steve, are you still upset because Dan Marino won’t have your baby?” No! He doesn’t care. He is already on to your drink order or to another table, so why bother to ask!

Not one day goes by that I don’t pause when I hear myself ask the rhetorical question. Do I really care? Sadly, the answer is very often: No. Years ago at Starbucks (feeding my addiction and earning stars), the young barista asked how I was doing that day. So, I told her. “Well, I have had a touch of diarrhea.” She totally blew me away with her response: “Well, maybe you should have a banana instead of coffee.” Not the norm, and frankly, it didn’t stop me from getting my venti Pike Place.

TRY TRUTH

Think about all the things we do just because we are supposed to. Next time you walk into your exam lane and ask, “How are you?” ask yourself first, “Do I really want to know?” Even better, next time your patient asks you how your day is, really tell him or her. Then, to break the uncomfortable silence, ask whether he or she wants a mint. OM

DR. BLOOMENSTEIN currently practices at Schwartz Laser Eye Center in Scottsdale, Ariz. He is a founding member of the Optometric Council on Refractive Technology. Email him at mbloomenstein@gmail.com, or visit tinyurl.com/OMcomment to comment on this article.