How do we teach our kids the leadership skills they will need to be successful when they leave the safety of our homes? A 2017 “Forbes” article (bit.ly/3ukP2xk) addresses this topic. It discusses teaching emotional intelligence, patience, managing finances, and negotiation. It also encourages travel with kids, and their participation in sports and creative activities.

Leading by example

But the most lasting way to teach kids about leadership is to be an example, according to the article. It cites a Pew Research Center study that reveals 72% of parents wanted their parents to view them as good parents. In short, you are the most essential influence your child will have. 

When faced with the demands of a career, the lead-by-example role can be challenging. Both our boys were born while my husband and I served on the North Dakota Optometric Association (NDOA) board. At five weeks old, our oldest son went to his first NDOA board meeting.

Our boys were four and seven when I was elected to the American Optometric Association Board of Trustees. While campaigning, I often stretched their ages to avoid comments about me needing to be home with them. Yes, “mom guilt” is a real thing. I traveled extensively, but fortunately, my husband was a great role model. And I did manage to be home for most high school activities.

 Relief and leadership insights

Years later, I asked my oldest son if he ever felt resentful of the things I missed while he was growing up. He asked, “What did you miss?”

His reply helped alleviate any guilt. It also demonstrated that spending quality time with our kids at home or on the road is another way to instill leadership skills. And, equally important, another person can encourage leadership — the pressure isn’t always on you.

I’ve since received some of the most beautiful Mother’s Day cards containing handwritten messages thanking me for teaching the value of leadership. One read, “Most people aren’t lucky enough to have a strong, caring, and funny, sometimes, mom. I’m one of the lucky ones.” The message? Our kids are always learning from us, and, sometimes, we do a better job than we give ourselves credit.

Exhibiting valuable skills

Fast-forwarding to the present, both sons exhibit valuable leadership skills. Our oldest is an electrical engineer working on Department of Defense contracts. After graduating college, our youngest son, who wanted to be in the FBI since the 7th grade, was turned down due to his lack of his experience. He then decided to join the Army and recently started basic training. His words: “This will open doors and be a great leadership experience.”

Reaping rewards

To summarize, raising children is one of the most rewarding jobs, and it’s no small feat. So, here’s to inspiring future leaders. May we all be mentors to those who follow us. And, for the record, my son thinks I’m funny! Sometimes. OM

Dr. Carlson was the first woman to serve as president of the American Optometric Association. Most recently, she was a 2019 recipient of Women of Optometry’s Theia Award for Leadership. In addition to her optometric leadership, Dr. Carlson is a 2020 graduate from the University of Jamestown, with a Master of Arts in Leadership, as well as a John Maxwell-certified speaker and trainer.