SOCIAL

  THE WAY I SEE IT

LEARN FROM CHARACTERS

HOW I BECAME A HUMAN LIE DETECTOR

MARC BLOOMENSTEIN, O.D., F.A.A.O.

THIS WEEKEND, I scrolled through the 889 channels of my DirectTV and found an exuberant Samuel L. Jackson starring as Danny Roman in 1998’s “The Negotiator.” (Rotten Tomatoes gave this movie an 81% on its Tomatometer, and I give it a solid “Heck yeah!”) The movie is more a cerebral thriller than it is violent or relying on techno-explosions. (And, let’s be real, how can a movie go wrong when you have Paul Giammatti quoting Lincoln and Nietzsche while being handcuffed to a desk?)

NEW LIFE AND LANE TOOL

Yet, it is the believable street savvy of Jackson that convinces you he is righteous and innocent. Like when he played Jules, the hit man, in Tarantino’s “Pulp Fiction,” he loosely quoted Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

I still jump up and scream “Hallelujah!” every time I see it. Samuel’s Jules had me thinking, and watching him in “The Negotiator” was no different. More to the point, Danny Roman has given me a new tool to use in my lane, in my life and in all my relationships. For years I have been using the power of threes that was so wisely bestowed on me by Dr. Tracy Schwartz. You see, if you want to tell whether your patient is “cray cray,” look for confirmation of any one of these questions.

1. Does he or she have more than three rings on one hand?

2. Is he or she allergic to more than three medications?

3. Does he or she own more than three cats?

IDENTIFYING THE DISHONEST

“The Negotiator” has provided me the tools to tell whether my patients are being honest with me. Danny Roman says: “A quick lesson in lying. See, this is what us real cops do: We study liars. Example: If I ask you a question about something visual, like your favorite color, and your eyes go up and to the left. Well, neurophysiology tells us that your eyes go in that direction because you’re accessing the visual cortex. Therefore, you’re telling the truth. If your eyes go up and right, then you’re accessing the creative centers of the brain, and we know you’re full of **it.”

That is priceless! I now have the power to control all my malingerers, the patients who tell me they are using the drops I prescribe, my office staff and my wife, Jill! I really feel sorry for anyone who crosses my path! Moreover, I feel bad for those who do not get the time to study or, shall I say, watch TV. We owe it to our patients, I say as my eyes go up and to the left. OM

DR. BLOOMENSTEIN currently practices at Schwartz Laser Eye Center in Scottsdale, Ariz. He is a founding member of the Optometric Council on Refractive Technology. Email him at mbloomenstein@gmail.com, or visit tinyurl.com/OMcomment to comment on this article.